I then realized through all of my thinking, I finished mixing so I put the dough on a cookie sheet and stuck them in the oven, all the while trying to find something to do while they baked. After a minute of no appealing thoughts, I just decided to relax on the couch with music playing in the background. I think somewhere in my mind I was hoping James would call but knew, realistically, he would be too tired from work. Tears started rolling down my face and for the first time tonight, I didn’t stop them. I simply cried and thought if there were no flights tomorrow, I would be celebrating Christmas alone. This thought shook me too the core and made me realize how much I missed James. We had been married for a little under a year and I loved him so much. He was my best friend, my rock, my comedian, and someone I never wanted to lose. About 20 minutes later, the timer for the cookies was going off and my eyes were sufficiently puffy. After washing my face with a cool towel, I took the. And it’s ugly and fat, and, and – you don’t want me any more!’ Rachel burst into tears again. Donald’s eyes suddenly brightened. ‘So, that’s the problem,’ he deduced, moving his hand gently up to her neck and stroking her hair. ‘Rachel, I knew you needed some time to heal after the baby, and I didn’t want to hurt you. You know what?’ Rachel looked at him attentively. ‘Some days out there,’ he motioned toward the door. ‘I wanted you so badly, I practically bruised the goat milking her. I beat the clods of dirt in the garden so hard, they flew in all directions! ‘But I didn’t want to pressure you. I guess I just quit touching you for fear it would make it harder. Rachel, if you only knew how hard I’ve been trying not to love you too much! Do you know what I mean?’ Rachel smiled through her tears then. ‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘But would you please love me again till I can’t stand it? I’d like to die from your love if I could. Make me miserable!’ Donald laughed then, scooped her up in his.
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